


Lovable Idiot

by Samunderthelights



Series: Harry Potter Short Stories : 2021 [4]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Bisexual Remus Lupin, Coming Out, Don't copy to another site, Gay Sirius Black, Love Confessions, M/M, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Marauders Fest 2020, Marauders Friendship (Harry Potter), wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-07
Updated: 2021-02-07
Packaged: 2021-03-15 20:13:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28694511
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Samunderthelights/pseuds/Samunderthelights
Summary: After avoiding it for months, Sirius decides it's finally time to come out to his friends.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Series: Harry Potter Short Stories : 2021 [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2112132
Comments: 3
Kudos: 66
Collections: Marauders Fest 2020





	Lovable Idiot

**Author's Note:**

> A big thank you to the organisers of Marauders Fest! 😘

“You don’t think there’s something going on between them, do you?” Lily asks, her nose scrunched up. “I mean, don’t get me wrong. I’m sure Kat is a great girl, but she’s just so-”

“Not his type?” James suggests. “Also, didn’t she used to go out with Ravenclaw girl?”

“Do you think he knows?”

Sirius’ friends are staring at him and Katherine, but when he looks over his shoulder, they quickly look away, pretending to be checking out the sky – or in Remus’ case his feet.

“Do you think he saw us?” James asks. “It’s weird, right? The way he’s been acting lately, spending all his time with her-”

“He’s probably in love.” Remus shrugs. “Good for him.”

“Good for him? You heard what he said this morning, right?” Lily asks, raising an eyebrow. “The way he snapped at me? If that’s what he’s like when he’s in love, then good luck to Kat. She’s going to need it.”

Remus looks back at his best friend, who is still chatting to Katherine. They are holding hands, and something about it makes Remus want to go over there and drag him back here. Back to his own friends. But he stays where he is, telling himself that this is a good thing. That Sirius is in love, that he’s happy.

* * *

“Have you got a minute?”

“Not really,” Sirius says, already heading back out after spending no more than a minute with his friends that night. “Can it wait? I’m supposed to be meeting Kat, so-”

“Is she your girlfriend?” Remus asks, trying his best to fake a smile. To not let his jealousy shine through. To not show how much it hurts to lose his friend to a girl.

“Why?”

“Just curious. She’s great, isn’t she?”

“She is.” Sirius nods. “I’ve got to go now.”

Sirius storms off, leaving Remus standing there, again trying hard to tell himself that this is a good thing. But he had always imagined the five of them growing old together. He did not think that their group of friends would ever fall apart. Especially not over something as a relationship. Surely friends were more important?

“He’ll come back,” Lily whispers, as she wraps her arms around Remus, and she pulls him close. “It’s his first real girlfriend, so just give him some time to go all-”

“This isn’t like him, Lily. He hasn’t been himself for months.”

“I know, babe,” Lily sighs. “But he’ll come around. He loves you. He wouldn’t ditch you for some-”

“Yeah, he would.”

“He wouldn’t.”

* * *

Sirius has just grabbed his things, and he’s about to head out the door, when he bumps into his friends. He was hoping to avoid them, especially after Remus’ question last night.

“Are you hanging out with Kat again?” Lily asks. “You two seem close?”

“Piss off,” he spits out, immediately feeling bad about it. But before he can even apologise, James has pushed him up against the wall.

“If you ever speak to Lily like that again…”

“What the fuck has gotten into you?” Peter asks. “I hope she’s worth it, mate.”

“You should probably go,” Remus sighs. “Best not let Katherine wait.”

“Lily…”

“Don’t,” Lily snaps. “I love you, Sirius, you know I do. But this new you? I don’t like him.”

“Neither do I,” Sirius mutters to himself, before storming off, leaving his friends standing there, not sure what he had meant.

He knows that he can’t explain though. That they won’t understand. That no one but Katherine understands.

So he rushes to where they were supposed to meet, and as soon as he sees her, he lets himself fall into her arms.

“What happened, love?”

“My friends.”

“Talk to them,” Katherine sighs, as she gently strokes the back of his head. “They care about you.”

“I know they do, but this is just-“

“Who you are,” Katherine interrupts him. “They won’t care. I know that it’s scary, but the longer you put it off, the worse it’s going to get.”

“They think you’re my girlfriend.”

“I figured,” Katherine laughs. “And you’re more than okay with them thinking so?”

“No. I’m just scared.”

“Want me to go with you?”

“I’m not telling them,” Sirius chuckles nervously. “Especially not Remus.”

“Isn’t he gay?”

“Bi.”

“Then what the hell are you worrying about? Jesus, Sir.”

Sirius can’t help but smile, as he makes himself comfortable, lying with his head in Katherine’s lap. For a moment imagining what it would be like to not have to hide the truth from his friends. To not have to avoid them anymore, too nervous that he will say something that will make them find out what he has been trying to keep from them for months now.

“Tell them you’re gay,” Katherine sighs. “You’ll feel so much better.”

“I doubt it.”

“So you’re just going to avoid them for the rest of the year? And then what? They’re your friends, love. As much as I adore you, you and me…” Katherine sighs. “You’re meant to be with them, and you know it.”

“I just don’t want to lose them.”

“You’re going to lose them anyway if you keep pushing them away.”

“I know.”

* * *

“What are you doing here?” Lily asks, quickly shoving Sirius into the shadows so they don’t get caught. “You can’t be here after dark.”

“I want to apologise for what I said to you this morning.”

“It’s fine.”

“It’s not,” Sirius sighs. “I ehm… I know that I haven’t been the best friend these last-“

“You don’t have to do this, Sirius.”

“I do.”

Sirius looks over his shoulder, and Lily can see how nervous he is, how scared that someone is listening in on them. So she grabs his hand, and she leads him out of the room, to somewhere a little more private.

“What’s going on with you? Is this about Kat? Why don’t you introduce her to us. We’d love to meet her.”

“I’m not going out with Kat.”

“She’s a great girl.”

“She is,” Sirius agrees. “and she’s gay.”

“Oh.”

“So am I.”

“Oh,” Lily repeats.

Sirius takes the moment of silence as one of rejection, so he’s about to turn and leave. But Lily won’t let him, so she wraps her arms around him, holding him so tight, that he can feel something in his back pop.

“Lil…”

“You stupid prick,” she whispers, her voice breaking. “Why didn’t you tell us? Do you have any idea how worried we were? We thought you were in trouble, Remus thinks you don’t want to be his friend anymore.”

“I’m sorry.”

“You bloody idiot,” Lily sniffles, giving him another tight squeeze before letting go of him. “Is this why you’ve been avoiding us?”

“I guess.”

“But why? Did you really think we’d care? Don’t you remember what happened when Remus came out?”

Sirius scrunches up his face, still embarrassed at his own reaction. But in his defence, he had been drinking that night.

“You told him you loved him, no matter what.”

“And then I kissed him.”

“And then you kissed him,” Lily laughs. “I used to think you were just drunk, but holy shit. Do you fancy Remus?”

“No,” Sirius laughs, his cheeks flushing red. “Of course not.”

“You’re a terrible liar.”

Lily playfully hits him in the arm, but then she sighs.

“After he came out, we loved him just the same, right?” she asks. “So what made you think that it’d be any different for you?”

“I don’t know,” Sirius admits, relieved at Lily’s reaction, but still not sure how his other friends will react. Especially Remus.

“Just tell them, babe. We love you.”

* * *

“Are you okay?” Remus asks, when Sirius sneaks into their room not much later. “Were you with Kat?”

Sirius kneels down at Remus’ bed, the words on the tip of his tongue, but he can’t bring himself to say them.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Remus whispers, gently brushing a hand through his best friend’s hair. “I’m worried about you.”

“I love you.”

“I love you, too,” Remus chuckles. “You know I’m here if you want to talk, right? If you’re in trouble, or if you want to talk about Kat…”

“She’s not my girlfriend.”

Sirius leans into Remus’ hand, which is now resting on the back of his neck, and he can’t help but think how easy it would be to kiss him. To tell him everything he’s been trying to come to terms with over the last few months, if not years. But what if Lily and Katherine were wrong? What if Remus won’t love him the same once he knows?

“I miss you,” Remus whispers, his fingers ever so softly caressing the back of Sirius’ neck.

“What if...”

“What if what?”

“It doesn’t matter. Goodnight, Moony.”

“Goodnight.”

* * *

“I came out to Lily.”

“What did she say?” Katherine asks, a hopeful look on her face. “I’m assuming she told you to tell the rest of your friends, right?”

“She did.”

“And what did they say?”

“I didn’t tell them.”

Katherine rolls her eyes, shaking her head.

“I can’t.”

“Look, I mean this in the nicest way possible, love. But get the fuck over there and just tell them you’re gay. It’s been months. Seriously, I am so honoured that you came to talk to me, but I have done all that I can. You need to do the rest, and you know it. So get up, go over there and tell them-“

“I can’t.”

“Oh, for Merlin’s sake,” Katherine sighs, before getting up and grabbing her bag. “Talk to them, Sirius.”

“Wait, where are you going?”

“You’re driving me mad. Come see me when you’ve talked to them, okay?”

Without another word, she walks off, leaving Sirius sitting in the courtyard, feeling lonely and miserable. He knows that she’s right though, and that he’s only driving himself crazy by worrying over it for so long.

So he gets up, and he goes over to his friends. But before he can reach them, Remus leaves the group, and it almost makes Sirius turn and leave. It wouldn’t be fair to not tell Remus, would it? But it does make things easier. It’s not like he has to know, right?

“Are you keeping your girl away from us?” James teases. “You could just invite her over here, you know?”

“She’s not my girl.”

“Yeah, right,” Peter laughs. “Then why did you ditch us for her? Huh?”

“I didn’t ditch- because she’s my friend, and she was someone I could talk to.”

“You can talk to us.” James shrugs. “You’re not ill, are you?”

Peter moves away from him, and he quickly brushes down his clothes.

“No. Piss off, Peter. I’m just – I haven’t – “

“Tell them,” Lily says, a reassuring smile on her face.

“I think-,” Sirius begins, his heart nearly beating out of his chest, as he stares down at his hands. “I think I sort-of-might-be-into-guys? Maybe. I don’t know.”

“Sirius.” Lily rolls her eyes.

“Wait, you had to go talk to Kat about that?” James asks, a confused look on his face.

“You couldn’t talk to Remus?” Peter asks. “Isn’t he gay?”

“Bi, actually,” Sirius mumbles. “And no, I couldn’t talk to him, because I was scared.”

“Of what?”

“You know. You’re my friends.”

“So?” James shrugs. “I don’t care if you’re gay, or sort of gay? Maybe? Whatever it was that you just said.”

“So you’re not going out with Kat?” Peter asks. “Do you think she’ll go out with me?”

“Not a chance,” Sirius laughs. “She’s gay.”

“Her too?”

“Which is why I went to talk to her about it,” Sirius explains, Peter only now starting to catch on. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, guys.”

“Does Remus know?”

“No! I don’t want you to tell him either.”

“Why not?”

“Oh, I know.” James grins. “That’s why you snogged him, isn’t it? You’re in love with Remus.”

“Thanks, mate.” Sirius rolls his eyes. “Just don’t tell Remus, please.”

“Don’t tell Remus what?”

Sirius jumps up, his face going bright red, as he looks up straight into his best friend’s face.

“Do you want me to leave?”

“Talk to him, babe,” Lily says, giving a reassuring squeeze in Sirius’ hand. “Tell him. All of it.”

“She’s right.” James nods, and when Peter is about to say something, he grabs his arm to pull him away to make sure he can’t say something stupid to ruin this for Sirius.

“What did I miss?” Remus asks. “Are you okay? You look nervous.”

“I am,” Sirius admits. “Because I’m scared that I’m about to make a big mistake and lose you.”

“You won’t. Whatever it is, I’m sure we can talk about it, find a way-“

“I’m gay,” Sirius blurts out, “and I’m in love with you.”

“Oh.”

“That’s not how I was going to tell you. I wasn’t going to tell you at all, but then Kat- and Lily-“

“Sirius,” Remus interrupts him, taking his hand and squeezing it tight. “Look at me. You’re gay?”

“I think so.” Sirius nods, his hand shaking in Remus’. “I tried to be with girls, but I just - it’s not me. You know what a mess I made of things with Silver, and then with-“

“No need to list them off,” Remus laughs. “Is that why you hung out with Kat? Why didn’t you come to me?”

Remus runs his hand through Sirius’ locks, a hurt, but mostly worried look on his face.

“Because I could talk to her about you.”

“There are other guys, Sirius. Just because I like-“

“This is why I didn’t tell you,” Sirius cuts him off, pulling away from Remus’ hand. “You are perfect to me, Moony.”

“No one’s perfect.”

“I know that,” Sirius sighs. “But why can’t you hear what I’m trying to tell you? I tried to make things work with girls, I even went with Kat to some bar and kissed a couple of guys. But I could only think of you.”

“There’ll be other guys.”

“You know what? Fuck you,” Sirius spits out, before storming off. Knowing fully well that he should have stayed and talked it out. But at least when Remus didn’t know, there was still a glimmer of hope that he felt the same way about him. To have him rejecting him like that, it hurts. It made him lash out, even when he knew that Remus didn’t deserve it.

* * *

Hours later Sirius is in bed, hiding underneath the covers. Hiding from the world. But when he feels someone sitting down on the side of his bed, before a hand ever so gently caresses his back, he knows that he can no longer hide.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbles, as he looks up at Remus. “I shouldn’t have said that.”

“I wish you would have come talk to me, instead of hiding from us. I’ve missed you,” Remus whispers. “I thought you didn’t care anymore.”

“I know.”

“You deserve to be with someone-“

“You, Moony. I want you.”

Remus gets a shy smile on his face, his hand now resting on Sirius’ chest.

“You deserve better.”

“There is no better,” Sirius mumbles, preparing himself to be rejected again. But when he hears Remus chuckle, he looks up, only to find him staring down at him with a loving smile on his face. “What? I mean it.”

“I know you do,” Remus sighs, as he slides his hand up to the side of Sirius’ neck. “I just wish I had known. You were so – so angry. I thought you were angry with us, but you were angry with yourself, weren’t you?”

“I’m okay with it now.”

“It doesn’t change who you are,” Remus reassures him. “You’re still the same lovable idiot you always were.”

“Thanks?”

“I wish I could have told you that months ago,” Remus sighs. “That I love you.”

“I’m sorry about the whole-"

“Sirius,” Remus laughs. “I love you. Do you even hear what I’m saying?”

“Yes, I hear you, and I’m glad you still do. I know I crossed some kind of line by falling in love with you, but I’ll work on it.”

“Oh, for Merlin’s sake.” Remus rolls his eyes, before leaning down and kissing him.

Sirius is so shocked, that he just lies there, unable to kiss him back.

“What did-“

“I _love_ you, Sirius. Why in the bloody hell did you think I kissed you back when you kissed me after I came out?” Remus laughs. “I thought you were trying to tell me something. But then you ran off with Kat, and I just assumed-"

“Wait, so all this time I could have-?”

“Like I said. You’re an idiot. But I love you anyway.”

Sirius flashes a sheepish grin, before grabbing Remus’ shirt, and pulling him down for another kiss. Just as Remus lets himself be wrapped up in his best friend’s arms, their friends walk in.

“I called it,” James says, not in the slightest bothered by his friends making out with each other.

“You told him, then?” Lily grins.

“I did.” Sirius nods, his arms still wrapped tightly around Remus.

“Not you. Remus.”

“What?” Remus laughs, when he sees the look of shock on Sirius’ face. “You had Kat to talk to, I had Lily.”

“How about we go out this weekend to celebrate?” Lily suggests. “Like a double-“

“I guess I’ll just stay here, then?” Peter grumbles.

“No! We’ll all go,” Lily quickly says, blushing. “It’ll be fun.”

“You should go and find yourself a girl, mate,” James laughs, as he claps his friend on the shoulder.

“Like Kat?”

“Not Kat,” Sirius laughs. “Don’t even think about it.”

* * *

“How are you feeling?” Remus asks later that night, when he and Sirius are out in the courtyard watching the stars.

“Different,” Sirius sighs. “Lighter?”

“Relieved?”

“Stupid,” Sirius chuckles. “That I didn’t just tell you guys. I made it into such a big deal in my head, but-“

“I did the same thing,” Remus admits. “But it feels good, right? Now that they know?”

Sirius nods, tears welling up in his eyes. For months he had been fighting against himself, fighting against his feelings. For months he had been telling himself that he was about to lose his friends. To have his friends still loving him, to have Remus sitting here – holding his hand – it makes him feel so relieved, that he struggles to hold back his tears.

Remus notices, so he squeezes Sirius’ hand tighter, a knowing smile on his face. Because he had been there himself just months ago.

Sirius rests his head on Remus’ shoulder, a tear slowly rolling down his face.

“I’m sorry I didn’t come talk to you,” he whispers.

“Oh, shush.” Remus smiles. “I’m just glad you could talk to Kat.”

“She’s not you.”

“No? You didn’t kiss her, then?”

Sirius gives Remus a playful shove, before wrapping his arms around him, and pulling him in for a kiss.

“I only have eyes for you, Moony.”

**Author's Note:**

> The prompt I used for this story is:  
>  _Sirius comes out as gay to his friends after struggling with his identity/pushing away his friends/being snappy etc._


End file.
